Most people take time to process a break up from a relationship regardless of the source. It takes little longer for me to process the loss because I not only lost a “boy friend” but also my best friend.
After so many times of this same process, I get discouraged each time. The fact that they move on much faster (few days) tells me that I never really mattered, which makes me wonder why the hell did I become involved with them to begin with.
One man differs on this, which tells me that he really, truly loved me but for reasons beyond our control it did not work out. We do keep in touch now and then and so I sent him an email to thank him upon my realization that I was truly loved once. I let him know that he is a very special person because he knows how to love where-as most men or women for that matter, do not know how to let go of all inhibitions and truly love another person. I expressed to him that he will always remain special to me. Out of three serious relationships, he is the only man who actually loved me for me. This time next year, I expect he will be married & I wish him nothing but the best. He said it means a lot to him that I thought that of him. He knows he is truly special in that he can love fully and with that he gets the same back in return. I wish more people would love so freely, even myself ‘cuz the return is something we all dream about.
In the mean time, I strive to find that motivation to entertain the idea that I could enter once again another relationship where I possibly open up for more and to hopefully truly love someone because I’m so tired of the break up process. It hurts to know that the person I was in a relationship with for almost a year, replaces me within a few days. It makes me think if they were there on the side all along. That way of processing a break up, I will never understand. It makes me wonder about the character of that person and my choices because obviously I chose a person I did not know or thought I knew. So many offers now but do I really want to entertain any – no, not right now. Still processing…
